|
cHiNx_090
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Chingky
Country: Philippines
Metro: Manila
Birthday: 10/31/1992
Gender: Female
Interests: anime, documentaries, NBA, talk shows, books, photoshop, web design, jam sessions, food trips, video games, puzzles, swimming, photography, programming, drawing, dancing, singing
Expertise: web design
Occupation: student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Yahoo:  chingkybaby
Member Since:
11/24/2005
|
|
| I got pissed off at my boyfriend last night. I didn't reply to his messages and answer his calls. I slept at around 11:00pm, so I didn't have to receive any instant messages from him on the internet. So while I was trying to sleep, I kept on rejecting his calls until it finally stopped. I was half-conscious and having a weird dream when I heard my phone's message alert tone "Wicked sick!" So I ignored it for some time since I was sure it was just Kenneth. I didn't know how much time has passed, but I decided to check my phone. When I looked at the screen, "1 new message from: K......." I was expecting to see more letters after that K. But no, it was just a 4-letter name. I squinted my eyes to see if I was reading this correctly: "1 new message from: Kurt"
My senses woke up, and I hurriedly read the message. It was so weird. It only contained "..." The time when I received the message said 11:51pm. I read it at around 11:52. I replied "huh?" at around 11:53. I found it hard to sleep after that. I tried to think why he texted me. There wasn't any occasion. I would understand it if he sent that on the 9th or on my birthday. But no, it was only a few minutes before Nov. 7 (probably Nov. 7 already on other clocks). And then it hit me. It was Nov.7, 2008 when Mariel introduced us. It was Nov.7, 2008, a Friday that year, where it all started. He probably wasn't even aware of this.
Well, he didn't reply. And it's really boggling my mind. I tried to talk to him during the start of my sembreak until my birthday. And I gave up, now, what was this all about. About 6 months of rejecting any form of communication, he sends that really weird, no-sense-at-all message.
| | |
| As I listen to my boyfriend's voice on the phone I can't stop myself from thinking of my ex. Though I'm completely happy with my boyfriend, I still feel something is missing. The past few days I've been thinking of my ex more and more constantly. Maybe it was due to seeing him more often those past few days. I'm subconsciously detaching myself from my boyfriend and trying to cling on to the past. I'm really confused. I have everything I could ask for in a guy, but why am I not contended? Do I subconsciously like being ignored and not treated well? Maybe. I don't really know.
| | |
| My last thoughts before I went to sleep was about him. When I woke up, my thoughts were still about him. My heart felt as if it was writhing in pain. I felt as if I was back in the night of our break up. Miserable. Lonely. Depressed. I've forgotten about his complete and utter rejection of me. I forgot how he hung up every time I called, how he threw away the letter I sent to him, and how he never replied to any of my text messages.
God help me! All I want is to talk to him. Is that too much to ask?
| | |
| I know I love my boyfriend with all my heart. But every time I set foot on SSA grounds, memories of Kurt start flooding my head. I guess that it will always be like that because he was my last boyfriend there. And my last memories from there were the moments I shared with him. I can't help not to think about what could have been. I still yearn for his embrace, the tenderness in his kisses, the feeling when I look into his big round eyes. All I want to do now is to talk to him. I want him to stop ignoring me. I want to talk about what went wrong and just to let go of all the bitterness between us. I miss him. And I will keep missing him until all the unsaid things remain unsaid and all the questions left unanswered.
| | |
| Saturday, September 26, 2009. It was the day of my Final Interview. I arrived at Vinzons at 9:45am. I was wet because it was raining really hard at Philcoa. The overpass looked like a waterfall. I changed into my formal attire and went to the rooftop with Angelie and John Ray. Ekay arrived shortly and we waited for the members. Kuya Romar was first to arrive, then Ate Eka, Ate Jaycel, then Kuya Kelvin. It was time to start. It was an excruciating experience. I started answering in English so I had to finish in English. I watched them as they criticized me, insulted me, said all these mean things about me, ripped my sig sheet apart and said nothing when they crossed the line and intruded my personal life. I remained silent even though I wanted to shout back, even though I want to slap them as hard as I can. I didn’t cry. Among all the female applicants, I was the only one who didn’t cry. All I wanted to do was run to Kenneth, feel him wrap his arms around me and cry. But he wasn’t there, so I didn’t want to cry. I felt all these anger and bitterness grow inside me (and I still feel it). I pretended not to be offended by what they said. Ekay, John Ray and me ordered lunch from McDo. We waited for an hour for our food. We watched our co-applicants as they undergo the same experience. We watched them suffer and cry. The rain was really hard. We couldn’t leave the vicinity. We had to wait for the last batch of applicants to finish. I went to philcoa with Ate Bie Anne and Ekay. We stayed at McDo because we couldn’t go to UP village since the flood was knee high. The philcoa area was chaotic. Cars were everywhere, facing all directions. People were braving the waters and walking. The QC circle area was really crowded. I couldn’t go home since my dad called me a few hours before and said that the bridge to our village was now impassable, the fence at the back of our house has been destroyed, phase 2A of our village is now flooded and has been evacuated. My brother also called me and told me not to go home until further notice. At around 5:00 pm, the rain has subsided a bit, the flood has gone down and vehicles were moving again. I rode a bus to SM Fairview. It took almost 2 hours to reach Fairview. My mom and dad picked me up at SM. While I waited for them, I was standing by the entrance near Cinderella. The mall was already closed and people were all standing outside. It was really cold and I was shivering. When we arrived home, there was no electricity. In short, ok naman kami. Buti na lang di kami binaha. After 24 hours without electricity, meron na ulit ngayon. | | |
|
|
